God

God, this name had so many images in my mind. At times I thought of a father figure, bigger than usual, the lover of all, a despiser of sin, having 6 billion eyes on everyone, expecting them to follow his commandments righteously. And an avid listener to prayers.  At times I saw a white bearded man, surrounded by angels who look below us and record our every move on the book of life, which is basically the judgment list. This was my mind, trying to form imagery that can at least show me, or depict my thoughts on what God is. I needed to see or have a sense of knowledge on what He is. His nature, his form, and his heaven. I was told that He loved me, that he wanted to give me all I want and need as long as I prayed about it and confessed all my wrong doings so that he can forgive me. That was my relation. Don’t get me wrong, this is just how I felt. But even though my Christian faith told me all this, and told me that the bible is the word of God, and that there is no truth beyond that of the bible, my heart was empty.  Religion was the right thing to do, that’s what I thought anyway, but it did not feel right to me. I would go to church and repent, but my patterns still repeated.  I didn’t feel renewed in any kind of way. I just decided one morning, last year to be a bit precise, that I needed to let these all go. My religion, my beliefs, my values, my thoughts that I fixated on people, the world, I just let them all go. Basically all the stories I had about this life, my life. It was all too heavy to carry, all too painful as I never felt like i was getting anywhere. Stagnant. All of it was. And my life followed route of this stagnation. I even let go of my thoughts on God.  From then on, my perception has expanded.  My life grew a new light. To some extend as a religious person I felt restricted to relate with others, because I related to them through my beliefs, and it bottled the flow of my experience or interaction with them since I had my  own ideas that concluded who they were, not seeing them for what they truly are. The same as me. Having the same fear, sorrow, pain, happiness of this human experiences but in a different way. I began directly exploring the light within me. This new feeling that changed my perception of the world, my world. And I began seeing that it all leads us to the source of all pure love.  I grew an appreciation and acceptance of all other paths, religions, perceptions. I still am. I knew that not all people will appreciate my way, but that in fact it is how it should be, because it is like that. My battles with the external world are lessening.  And truth about the world I live in is evident. The Most High/The source/The Creator, many names are used for that which is regarded the creator of all creations. We are all manifestations of the greatest form of Love. We are all connected beyond our differences. We are One with The Most High and The Most High is one with us.. With all creation. That is the experience I’m still learning, and the learning has no limit, no destination.I became open minded. All I keep finding out within me is that God is beyond any thought, any word, any explanation that our minds can make up. God is not of the mind but beyond it. God is an ineffable experience not many have truly experienced. I still feel hesitant of using the word God, because of what we have made him to be in our minds, the word has created an image, a form. I’m not religious, but I am a spiritual being having a human experience. Everyone should follow the path that suits them best.