my first love poem

This is a poem i wrote two years back, when i just couldn't understand what happens to be 'love', what it feels like without the motion of what it should feel like, for myself and for everyone around me. Because in the eyes(and mostly hearts) of many, it just translated pain, misery, tears, broken-bitter hearts, basically it was all misery. And i just wrote on it. What i thought 'love' was at that time :)

I don't understand your reasoning

The way you cocoon your thoughts 

When i try to reach them

The way you inflict so much pain in your already shattered heart

All i want is to share your pain

Help you breathe when your lungs are heavy with dry air

I want to wash the blood stained on your back

Collect your tears with my bare hands

All i want is to be there for you

But you still push me aside

Where i dream of what you are

Never seeing your face

You push me aside 

Where you are never a reality

the infamous word

There's always that piece of writing where you pour your heart out on paper and it seems as if every word needs to make sense. You read it, gasp, a slight sigh, then you read it over and over again, hoping the words feel right and actually MAKE SENSE! hahaha.. i've been such a critic of my writings that it became a reflex. But this constrained my writing space, locked my words and moulded them to structured and fixed words, without a touch of emotion. It blocked all other 'non-sensible' words which would've made the paper smile a bit, without it being just a paper with words that had no freedom within them. Thats when it just clicked, "nothing has to make sense". Its all but a process of using words to paint pictures, or to colour paper and maybe translate emotions closely linked to words. My words grew wings, i nurtured those little fragile, insecure wings with liberated words, writing every word without its structure that i thought it should have. A beautiful beginning of what now i hold dear to my heart. I freed my words and in the process myself. The cage broke. Now it is just them and the air without direction. They shall lead themselves into marvelous writings, poems, songs, whispers.... everything :)